Since nobody is voluntarily buying Chevy Volts, for the good of the auto industry we must all be forced to buy them! That will keep Detroit in business and create jobs for the economy. Keep America strong! Chevy dealers will be staffed with military personnel toting M4 rifles, and those rifles will be pointed at customers to make sure they "comply" with Obama's new economic program. Those who refuse to buy a Chevy Volt will be punished by being forced to buy a Chevy pickup.
#2) Annual flu shots
With so many people figuring out that flu shots are total medical quackery and are intentionally laced with mercury preservatives, it's no wonder most people don't want to buy them anymore. Without public demand for vaccines, the vaccine industry might collapse! And that would be terrible for the fat cat CEOs who run those companies and also sit on the boards of all the other global elite corporations. The answer? Mandate annual flu shots for every person, every year! Get your flu shot, or we'll throw you in prison and jab you there!
#3) Terrorism insurance
What? You don't own terrorism insurance? Then how will you keep your family safe with all the countless terrorism attacks happening every day?Coming soon: Obama's buddies will set up a whole new insurance scam called "terrorism insurance," and they'll use false flag terror attacks to remind people why they need to keep buying insurance policies. All Americans will be forced into buying these terrorism insurance policies, and those who don't will be called anti-American traitors. What? You don't have terrorism insurance? You must be one of those anti-government nuts who also owns gold. Yeah, that's a sure sign of being a terrorist yourself.
#4) Pink slime
Given that nobody in the country wants to buy pink slime anymore - that's the new term for "mechanically separated meat" that has suddenly become widely known across the 'net the government may simply force everybody to buy it!Yep, every month you'll have your "pink slime quota" that you must meat - er, I mean meet -- by purchasing pink slime at the grocery store, filling out twelve pages of documentation describing your purchase, then mailing it off to Washington with proof your purchase to a whole new federal department called "Food Usability for All" or just "F U All" for short.#5) Air tickets
Given that the TSA has utterly destroyed the U.S. travel economy with its illegal, perverted "hands down your pants" search and seizure protocol, Obama must mandate that everybody buy one air ticket a month, whether you need it or not.
Supporting the travel industry is patriotic, didn't you know? And if you refuse to buy an air ticket each month, you'll be visited by TSA agents in your own home who will conduct a crotch-and-anus search of your entire family in lieu of you actually showing up at the airport for the search. This will be called a "pre-search" for the travel you're supposed to be taking. You can never be too safe in the war on terror, right? Now bend over...
#6) A gun
But you have to carry it into Mexico and sell it to a drug gang member
This might be called the "Eric Holder" program: Every American will be required to buy a firearm at a gun shop in a state bordering Mexico, then walk that gun across the border and deposit it into the hands of the Mexican drug gangs.
Oh, wait... that program already exists. It's called "Fast & Furious" or "Operation Gunwalker," and it was dreamed up by Attorney General Eric Holder to cause gun violence by having ATF operatives buy guns in America and sell them to Mexican drug gangs.
#7) Obama Water - with electrolytes!
Coming soon: Obama Water! It's got electrolytes! And if you drink it, you'll get free rent for the rest of your life...Or should I just call it the Obama Kool-Aid?
Either way, the government will make you buy it, and you can bet it will be "enhanced" with government-approved fluoride chemicals. But they can't actually make you drink it, so flushing always remains an option for getting rid of the stuff.
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