When Christopher Webb of the Albuquerque Police Department came to talk
to the children of a local elementary school on Career Day about his
awesome job as an ass-kicking traffic cop, his well of material about
expired tags and mountains of paperwork quickly ran dry. So he asked the
kids if they'd like to wash his cruiser instead.
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"And after that, you get to dig me a septic tank to ... build character ... or something."
While several boys agreed, probably lured by the possibility of
finding a bloodstain or a condom full of drugs somewhere in the
backseat, one emphatically declined Webb's generous offer. So Webb,
demonstrating the wisdom and restraint of both a duly appointed peace
officer and a rational adult, drew his Taser and said, "Let me show you
what happens to people who do not listen to the police." He then
shot the 10-year-old in the chest, leaving the barbs in for the full five-second shock of the expended cartridge.
The boy collapsed and lost consciousness, possibly due to the 50,000
volts of electricity pulsing through his
still-too-small-for-most-roller-coasters frame. Realizing that Career
Day had just taken a turn for the worse (and that he
must have
broken a law of some kind), Officer Webb heroically applied precisely
none of his emergency responder training and instead
carried the boy to the principal's office and left, presumably wearing a fake mustache and sunglasses for the rest of the day to avoid both detection and getting yelled at.
But not before covering his bases.
The officer got a whopping three-day suspension for the incident (he
insists that the Taser went off by accident), and as you can imagine,
the family has filed a lawsuit.
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